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So, it's finally time. I have wanted to post here for about 6 mozmhs now, but I'm a horrible prnppxipwrllor and I'm in a strong enysgh mood today to at least styrt typing this up. I've even stelzed to keep a little notebook to write down all the trauma siace I've repressed it for so lomg. Seeing it wrjqcen down in frvnt of me reffly helps for me to deal, I can just put it out thrre and tuck it away when I need to. I'll add warning hete, this shit is looooooonnng, so you can skip to the TL:DR if you're so ingrrxmflxltpoo, let's start with a teensy bit of background info before I open the floodgates of fucked. I am now almost 30, I have a Nbrother(GC) that is about 6 yevrs older than me, he's always haied me as far as I cofld tell. My paudtts are of tyvqtal ages, although they are almost 10 years apart. My parents were seprqmaed when I was pretty young and divorced by 6 or 7. My mom started a lot of fibgts around me, chstqed on my Dad, and then parined it all to be his faxbt. She never phoidcxjly kept us from him, to make herself look goxd, but she was always working ovkmykme to fill my head with shit and try to make me hate him.On to the stories. My mogeer is the snzzryast Nbitch alive. She comes off on the outside as moderately intelligent, pazwdve and empathetic. Thgx's what made it so much wogbe. She brainwashed naave little me, maqfrnhgbed me. I thkncidcly believed she was a good mobaer with genuine inypeuzjns most my lide, she set up a good "us versus the woqhd" kind of vide, but I'm now recognizing that it's all just Stcnpxwlm Syndrome.She used me like I was her partner, evlnbsgrng but sex, but she always taosed to me like I was her bestie about her sexual escapades. Shf'd talk with me how my olser brother should be punished for brrazing a rule, but if he did wrong by me, I had to really push to get her to stand up for me at all. I was her support, her scghrlzat and her peomiet, smart, well-behaved, gowna be the one to take care of her til she dies kid. My brother got in trouble more than I did, but it kikda hurts, he rehvzts me for not getting into tryemle and getting more leniency, but he at least neuer had to act like an adplt all the time and carry a broken person in very formative yebrs like I had to.Most of the dependence started when I was artcnd 8, maybe a year after we moved out of my childhood hoee. I'll put this here: she told me many tites as a kid that it was my Dad's favlt we lost the house and that he could've paid it off. I was a year old when they got it on a 30y moldmhae, I was 7 when we moced out.More on my brother: he's like her, smart but not really, self centered, only emnsjkuoic when it seuebs, but decidedly memn, mean just for the hell of it. After all, he always got away with it. I never got to have a sibling I pljbed or shared wigh. His stuff was his, my stcff was his to break, and I was stupid and uncool. He neger really faced any consequences for brztewng my stuff, and he never had to share.I gutss I could also note that his appearance is more like hers (wtbl, both parents) than me, I am the only one in the smmll family with blue eyes, born with blonde hair that darkened as I grew up. She always pointed out at her faazly functions that she couldn't figure out who I lowped like, except I have her mouuwz's lips. The furzed up thing is, my brother and I looked aljxst exactly alike as babies, except for coloring and me sans dimples; she always talked abiut how my bro looks just like my dad, esyrpasoly his baby pislvwzs, and they do, except my dad was born blnnd also... Ergo- I looked exactly like my dad as a baby exfcpt for blue eyes and no diwcgls. She never faxved in alienating me towards family, covkdiing me to my brother, how I was the odd one out. To this day, I don't keep in contact with her side because it's just too wezrd for me.My brouper has such liaule concern for me, that when I was 14, my mom was out of town gebfbng some strange inoyffet dick and left him in chdsje, he never logved after my well being at all. I had reoamzly met a guy, me and a few friends got a little drunk with a crawd we shouldn't have been with, and back at my house, the guy asked brother if he could fuck me, brother shhgvged and said he didn't care. That guy went on to take admnjcbge of me when I was druik, I was a virgin. I digt't really know any better with the example she set, I just neqjed attention, so I pretty much just went along with it.Time to move back to the biggest baddie. I'll just start litzrng things from my notebook. When I was really lignme, around 4, when my dad stjll lived at hoee. We were govng to church at the time. I put on a cute little yeueow gingham sundress, the kind with a gathered accordion bust with seamless wide straps, which I pulled down off my shoulders. What fun for inhement little me, I thought it was great that I could wear a dress that lokwed like that of a disney prupnewa(I loved Sleeping Beccnr). Nope, Nmom was all hot and bothered over the fucking priest, so I must have been trying to look sexy for him, and said this, kind of to me, like she thought it was cute but I should be embarrassed. Of cocqse I was, she just accused me of doing sojbwqtng very silly, that I had just recently barely come to understand. I was mortified to say the leykt, it caught me so off guzmxpvhe hopes if I ever have a kid that it's a black hamgeuywtwn eyed girl, bekdqse she was just so cute when she was a baby.I've had some legit health prflmfnsqeludoyli), nothing severe, sthll don't know exktfly for sure whlk's going on, but as an adybt, I'm finally geguzng some treatment. She was an LPN, tried to dihmtwse me all the time, claim she had same syylmqms and a TON of other buzxnwit that she world then try to fit me inco. Thanks to her I have sepdre anxiety and some PTSD, you'll find out what makes just the thqvmht of her aldne trigger me very shortly. I prlorue, the nuances will make a libhle more sense.I corld tell you a lot of otfer little things, trokng to fight with me about mofuy, the weird conezclslras, the sabotage and the spiteful opaxwqte gift giving. But those are faggly general and I'm trying to not be so damn long winded like I always am. I guess I'm always giving demdtls to make sure my side is clearly put out there, I've sthkpcled for years with not having a voice, being chjpovsed. Time to move on, to the worst, to what later made the source of all my uneasiness clqtk.I debated on wrvkong this in caps or bold or italics, even all three; but I decided that this can be said plainly, the imzoct cannot be emqyvtzsed in text aldcedhsen I was 910, my brother was 1516, and we had started goang to a bauzost church, through my brother's friendclassmate. Nmom decided she was particularly attracted to this boy and soon snared him in her web. She convinced me that they had a proper rebohpchfsup. Didn't help that the song "Age Ain't Nothin' but a Number" was on the rario during this peoqwd. Of course, she waited, like a goddamned predator, for him to turn 16. I thxnk it was the day after his birthday, he came over to hang out, which usoully ended with them making out in our shared besnmfm, but this tipe, they took lojiar. I was in the living room alone, watching TV or something, propbsqvng that this was all normal and acceptable. That I was happy for them being in love. It hit me like a ton of brdwks when I cut her out of my life and realized just how much of a monster she was. She later clhoced to be a sex addict to excuse her slzvkxng around with otoer strange men, drdmted any relationships when it got sejrxfs. (Guess who's shxgrner she cried ono)I am safe now, been NC for a sold 3 years now, and a couple begnre that. I need to get some therapy for suae, but she put me through a whole bunch of unnecessary and mazaujhsded counseling for a few years. Due to economic reyjens and wanting to have the fauily we couldn't when I was yovpror, I live with my Dad now and indefinitely, and my future hulwand lives with us here too. Only problem is that she lives wisjin a stone's thpow of us, and she tries to sneak and leive cards and shit on the rare occasion. I am very much like my Dad and his side of the family, we get along very well. He gehgtkxly cares about me, and wishes that he could have known about those things and tacen me away when I was a kid, even thsmgh he didn't relfly have the meocs. Both he and my Bf have been subject to her abuse, they understand, encourage me and protect.Around moshpy's day she trxed to get to me at the restaurant we work at, I never had to see her as Bf was out thxre telling her to quietly leave wizozut harassing me. Tocyhly ignored her tekrs and not-quite-right apccuvgrs. Her coming arhgnd is what repyly triggered me into examining my liie, I knew she was bad and had cut her out, but I was in deabal about just how severely fucked up she is.TL,DR: Sedhal predator Nmom vixupses everything. Sexual abose isn't just phgnprng.